On the cliff

She floats by, day and night
Long gown flowing, a magical white
Upon the cliff, in the silver moonlight,
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
Years have passed, since that day,
When the soldiers left, up from the bay,
Lingering on her lips were words she could not say,
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
Aboard that ship, her lover went,
To fight the bloody war, he was sent,
Leaving her behind, all alone,
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
On the cliff, she stays each night,
Long gown flowing, a magical white,
Sparkling eyes wide, in the pale moonlight,
Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Change.

Gandhiji said, "we must be the change we want to see." We all exist for a purpose, but one unanimous thing is how all of us want to see some change, of course, in different magnitudes. Whether it is a seemingly insignificant day-to-day change or a noble change of achieving world peace, we all want it.

What is frustrating is not being able to implement this change. There are things happening around the world, every second of every day, people dying, lying, cheating. And all we do is sit at home and hear about them. We may feel strongly and may want to do something to change the way things are, but circumstances prevent us from doing so. This is probably what is most frustrating. I mean, there's something there, something you feel strongly for, something you want to change to make the world a better place, something you desperately want to do- but- there's a downside- you just can't. It's there, within your grasp, you reach for it. You know catching it will make all the difference. But you just can't. Period.

That's the big question- why can't we? We have the resources, the power, the potential, the creativity, ideas and intellect- and complete willingness as well, the icing on the cake. We have everything but we simply do not put any of these into use. Why don't we? Why don't we cross every hurdle and bring down every barrier to achieve what we want to and implement change and make the world a better place?

No. No one is asking for a fairy tale world with princes who fight off evil dragons and live happily ever after. No. Just a good, sweet, happy place. A world full of trust, love and friendship. Something worth fighting for. Something worth living for.

At least for this, we have to, got to, must, make a change- put in every last molecule of effort to alter the very mindsets of people and make them see the good in everything. Change them. Change the world. For the better.

God

I've always had very mixed up views on the whole concept of god. My parents aren't the kind who force ideas down their kids' throats at age three. They let me free, left me to explore my own ideas. It doesn't help that I was close to nine years when I was first exposed to Indian culture, or that my grandfather is an atheist. This, if anything, has made me more confused about the existence of god/gods, according to Hindu beliefs; and the whole concept of religion as such.

Sometimes I feel that it would have been better if my parents had expressed their own views of God. My dad, who grew up in a hard core atheist family, acts like he has no views on the subject. My mum, who grew up in a slightly religious one, celebrates most festivals in front of the prayer room. My grandfather does all but scorn the very concept of prayers, only to leave me dumbfounded, unsure of the truth, of what to really believe.

This morning, I was talking to a friend of mine. She talked about her mom, and how she had visited so-and-so temples before our board exams, and the hundred-and-something temples her grandparents have visited. Usually, I have something to say for most debatable topics. I have pretty strong, if not slightly crazy opinions. But, surprisingly, I was pretty speechless, unaware of my own beliefs. I know super-religious people. I have an atheist in my own family. And then there are people like my dad, probably just as confused as I am, who refuse to form an opinion.

When I expressed to my parents that I'd much rather be an atheist than blindly follow our customs with no proof and without knowing why, I was met with spontaneous screaming from my mom, "don't form such opinions without understanding the whole concept of religion." But, the thing is, no one had ever bothered to tell me about the 'whole concept of religion'. Perhaps no one really knows. It's true. There IS no proof for so many many things. You can choose to believe whatever.

Undoubtedly, undeniably, I respect my religion. Though it still confuses me, I would never go against it. Even though I don't agree with some things put forth by Hinduism. Plus, in a country like India, religion is everything. How I wish that we lived in a world in which we could form our own, unique ideas and follow them, without having to worry about religious barriers. But, such a world is only a thing of my dreams. I can only hope that I come to terms with my own ideas, and learn to accept the ideas of people around me. Till then, I shall remain as confused as ever.

Ghost of the past

A shadow of the past,
She comes lightning fast,
Lingering near, forever here,
Threatening, yet dear.
Simply a step away,
Everyday, March or May,
Watching my every tone,
Leaving me, never alone.
Haunting me, day and night,
Brushing past me, always in sight.
She is there to remind me,
Reprimand me, while behind me,
My phantom, my ghost of the past.

Then, one day she disappeared,
Lost, again, never heard,
Vanished from the face of the earth,
Abandoning me of her mirth.
Never have I seen her again,
In sunshine, snow, or rain.
Truly, surely, she has gone,
Leaving me forever alone,
My phantom, my ghost of the past.

A first time

One might think that being in Chennai for over 7(or is it 8?) years, would, somehow or the other, push me into riding one of those huge, green, PTC buses. But no. My first ride was today - with me over sixteen years old, 7 years of which I have spent looking at these over packed, tilted buses. Simply looking. It doesn't help that I spent a better part of these seven years living in a house over two kilometers away from the nearest bus stop. But there's always a first time, I guess.

My first bus ride... was a total fiasco. A fun fiasco.

It started of with me, Battery and Turquoise trudging along to the bus stop, from Chemistry IIT, wistfully staring at the junk-filled 'dabba kadai', with it's shutters pulled down, sleep still hanging about it.

After crossing the road at random places, with Turquoise barging in front of trucks and Battery desperately looking for faded zebra crossings, we saw the bus stop at a hazy distance. Only to realize that the bus we needed to catch was about to leave. And so we ran. Like there was tomorrow. And made it just in time to hear the engine revving up and the wheels tiresomely moving on.

Of course, we found only one available seat. But we also found out that, brilliantly, bus no.1 does NOT stop at my stop. When I heard this, I burst out into a fit of giggles. I mean, what could possibly be funnier than that? Of course, the whole bus was staring at me like I was the complete brash, reckless teenager I am(yes, there were quite a few old ladies). So I dramatically got down at the next signal, with the entire back few seats of the bus glaring at me, wondering who this madcap of a girl was, who wears huge cargoes and wakes up the whole bus for something as silly. Yes, I happen to be rather good at embarrassing myself in public.

But, at the end of it all, it was worth it. I had fun being thought of as a total madcap. A memorable first experience. With Turquoise and Battery by my side. =)

Observations from the world of physics

1:00 p.m.
Eve of Physics exam

Yes, most definitely NOT the best time to sit down and write a blog. Especially when I've still got 3 and a quarter chapters to blunder through, each having a cartload of problems and formulas. Apparently, I'm not my sane self today. But then again, when am I?

No, seriously. I just stumbled upon some interesting facts which i couldn't help but pen down:

Firstly, Pradeep's Fundamental Physics has nothing, whatsoever, to do with fundamental physics. Not in the slightest. It is, infact, packed with over 1000 pages of undesipherable, advanced, bull, topped with fantastic, fact-filled IIT preparation guides, hints, and three times the number of problems in our NCERT text book. Now that, definitely, is a problem.

And I finally figured out what those weird s-like symbols represent. Calculus. They are not, I repeat NOT fancy signatures of infamous physicists. Thank God. Okay, I've already mentioned that. Couldn't resist.

'Vectors do NOT add like numbers.' Fascinating, really. I mean, when I grow up and am unemployed and go job-hunting, I can simply, accidentally-on-purpose stumble upon my eleventh-grade physics text book, chant 'vectors don't add like numbers', make millions, and get a double-suite with Bill Gates at the Hilton. Woohoo!

'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. However, these action-reaction pairs occur at exactly the same time.' Sadly,this would mean that me and my brother screaming at each other would not make an action-reaction pair. I mean, the equal and opposite thing so agrees, but it usually starts with me, and continues with my brother. There's a gaping difference of around a second or two. Sigh.

And that is all for now. On a more serious note, I have also deciphered that I have the concentration span of a three year old. No, it's okay. Some people in my position would be scandalized. But, seriously, I'm quite alright. I'm honestly quite optimistic about my future.

My own sweet world

I gaze out
Of my castle,
Willingly trapped,
Day after day.
Time stands still,
Passing by.
I am living in my own sweet world.
I fearfully look
At the other world,
From the tallest tower
Of my castle.
I am safe,
Protected,
By the strong stone walls.
Not like Rapunzel,
Or the Lady of Shalott.
I am held prisoner
By my own will.
But still,
I try
Day after day,
To make my escape.
For I am lost, in my own sweet world.