Lives.

Meera

Meera looked into the morbid darkness ahead of her. All she had known for the last few nights was heat and dust and mosquitoes  The streets of Chennai were cruel in the summer, and ever since she had been forced to move into her small lodging to find odd jobs to support her aging mother, life had been a struggle. She watched a middle-aged man speed by on his bike. Ah, if only she could even afford a bike, she thought. If she had that kind of money, life wouldn't be as much of a struggle, surely?

Raj

As Raj slowly made his way through the small alleys of  Mylapore, he passed a young girl trudging through in the dead of night. Normally, he would have been concerned, and would have even offered to drop her at her destination. Today was different though. His wife, who had been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer a few months ago, had not shown any response to the six sessions of chemo-therapy that she had received so far. Her condition had reached a critical point, for which he had to quit his job to be able to take her to the hospital if any emergency arose. He felt weighed down with troubles, with responsibility- how was he to manage even basic survival, now that expenses needed to be dug out of his savings? What about his kid's education? He couldn't help but feel that everything he had ever worked for was slowly crumbling down in front of his eyes, and there was nothing that he could do about it. At the traffic light, he peered into a Mercedes car and glanced at the suit-clad man inside. Maybe life would be much easier, more problem free, with that much money at your disposal?

Sathya

Sathya had to hold back his tears as he sat at the backseat of his chaffeur-driven car, on his way back from a late night at work. Not that anything really mattered to him, at the moment- in terms of work, that is. His sixteen-year old son had just committed suicide. So this is what it feels like, when they say that the worst thing that can happen is to lose your child, he thought. More than anything, more than even the death, he felt responsible  Had he not been a good father? Had he not given his son everything, been there for him when he needed help? What had gone wrong? What had he hated so much about his life that he had ended it? So many questions, not a single answer- not even a note.

I watched from the outside as all three people struggled with what life had handed them. I watched as they watched their lives fall apart. I watched, and all I wanted to do was hold them and say that this is unfair, and that life will offer them something more, something better, and maybe the best thing of all- hope.

Capital Punishment

How much is too much, is my first reaction to any thoughts on capital punishment. But a friend pointed out an interesting point to me today- the punishment must be severe enough to stop other criminals from following suit. When I was told this, it seemed like a very obvious answer that I was surprised I had never thought of. Perhaps I've taken my arguments on relativity and personal opinions too far that I've stopped believing in looking at things objectively..

Timing

I smell the lingering wisps of your love,
I feel electrifying swirls of it.
Like tiny Christmas light bulbs
Lit in the middle of July
It's out of place, unnecessary, scorned.
Not because it lacks beauty or color or shine,
But because it lacks timing;
It's either too late or too early,
And for that, I'm sorry.

Possibilities.

A compilation of the ifs and buts,
A complication- what could have been,
A foggy possibility like no other,
An existence that we can never see.

What we don't know, yes, it wont hurt us;
What we could have known, will it?
What the tides push forth, we know now;
What got lost in the tides, we never will.

Here we are, again.

Drifting between lines, shuffling between roles,
Tip-toeing around what was never ours;
Spiraling, looping, going back to the start,
Reaching out for the non-existent,
And passing by it, letting it pass us by.
Always; go figure.

"Maybe later will be better"

We keep putting off so many things for later, never realizing that there may be no later. I do it so often, so naturally. Not in a procrastinating kind of way, no. I mean, life goals. Like, reading that book, writing that novel. Losing weight, going to Egypt. Falling in love. I put everything off saying that I'll do it later, when the time is right.
There is no right time for these things. It's always now or never in life.

Just like that.

There are some instances in your life, when you meet someone, and you instantly connect with them. It's not often, but it happens. It doesn't mean your similar, it may even mean that you're completely different. But you just- get along, to be precise.  The conversation isn't forced. It's not awkward. It's smooth, and fun, and, well, different. 

The question is, is it just you, or does the other person feel this connection too?

Carrot and Potato

Tonight's midnight conversation (after a pretty successful cooking session; yes, you read right!) consisted of such a vast range of topics that it's left me completely confused as to what to blog about. Take atheism, culture, and religion. Add that into a boiling pot of future goals, lack thereof, relationships, and the concept of being #foreveralone. Stir twice, add in a pinch of happiness, a dollop of confusion and a cupful of making fun of a certain someone's male characteristic (singular).
You've got yourself a pretty tasty dish. 

Chill out.

Sometimes, we need to take the backseat in life and just relax. I mean, yes, do what you need to do (in my case, a million assignments and the constant intake of chocolate-filled substances), but apart from that, don't bother too much. If you do, it's only going to lead to you obsessing over things that needn't be obsessed about. Let's say I've been there, done that. Maybe I'm still there, knowing me. But if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that this constant obsession about insignificant things that can very easily be brushed off the table of your thoughts, is simply not worth it.
Trust me, I know. Channel your energy into things more worthwhile, things that will actually change something about you, about the world, about your life.
Ah, if only I took my own advice. 

What you see is what you get?

So, another really interesting midnight conversation with a friend (when we were supposed to be studying really hard, mind you), was utterly shocking for me. He made me realize something so very true- it all boils down to looks. I mean, yes, I've always been cynical in terms of the shallowness of humanity; I myself have displayed various streaks of shallowness in the past. However, when put into perspective, so many acts are based on looks- on how attractive the other person is, how attractive we think we are. People who are attractive get away with a lot, have the more outgoing and confident personalities, and genuinely do draw more attention.
We took into account the people around us. The extroverts are, in most cases, the people who are confident about their looks. Even people who aren't inherently extroverted gain the most attention, care, and company, if they are good looking. Very rarely do you find an exception to this case, unless the persons' personality greatly outweighs their looks.
This conclusion, and, well, realization after taking a look around, was a genuine eye-opener for me. For someone who claims to thinks so much, I have surprisingly never thought of things from this perspective; probably because, up until now, my views on shallowness have been slightly selfish.

Across the seven seas.

If there's one thing that I really, genuinely know I want to do, it is to travel. There's a high chance that i'll choose my job based on how often it will get me to cross oceans. Going to new places has always fascinated me. It's so much fun and it is an experience like no other. New people, new cultures, new sights to see and even food; despite being a vegetarian it's still pretty interesting, and, well, challenging. Languages. Artifacts. I know it's what I want, and I hope that some day I do end up traveling a lot, seeing more than I ever imagined I would. I know it would make me happy and leave me satisfied. Longing for more, but satisfied nonetheless. 

Stop.

So, it's very easy to make your judgement, pass your comments and jump to your own conclusions about the way someone might be dealing with a situation. However, I think it's horribly unfair to do so without knowing even one percent of the situation that the other person might be going through. Their actions are influenced by so many factors- like their personality, the personalities of the people involved, and past experiences. Whether their moves are smart or not, whether what they are doing is something that you would do or not, it must be understood that they are doing what they are doing for a REASON. There's a reason why they deal with it in a certain way, and not the way that you would deal with the situation. Understand that, accept that. 

Neutrality

I think this world would be a much better place if kids were brought up gender neutral. I'm not talking hardcore gender neutrality where people aren't even identified as boy and girl- those differences are bound to be there due to different bodily functions that nature has put forth to us. I'm talking about a more personality-oriented perspective. Bring up children without typical gender stereotypes. Don't teach them the conventional, rigid gender roles that society offers us. Let them be free to experiment, to lean more towards an androgynous behaviour. After all, androgynous individuals are believed to lead the most all-round and fulfilling lives.There is never a one-size-fits-all.
Gender neutrality can eliminate any sort of gender discrimination that society so often sees. Issues like same-sex marriages would not be "issues" any more. People would be free, open, less held back by all these restrictions and notions as to how they're supposed to be, how the should live their lives, what they are supposed to like, what they are supposed to dislike. How they're supposed to look, to dress. Oh my. It's a pain, isn't it? So much time and effort unnecessarily wasted, and for what? To be unhappy at the end of it all anyway, because you know that you're only doing what you're supposed to do and not what you want to do?
I think, if I were to ever have kids, I'd do my best to make sure they aren't affected by society's cruel stereotypes. I've seen how destructive stereotypes can be, and it's not something I'd want for my children, or for anyone in fact.

Laughter

It's true, i'm a sucker for laughing. If you can make me laugh like there's no tomorrow, you're already halfway towards getting my loyalty and, well, anything you ask for. Really.
I don't know what it is about people who can make me laugh (and by laugh, I mean uncontrollable, genuine laughter), but it's almost an instantaneous attraction for me. Yes, everyone likes laughing, but this somehow has an extra appeal for me. And I think I know why. That degree of laughter- well it makes me forget everything, right from my name to what year it is.
Like the conversation I just had. One of the main things that gets me to dial that same number, to answer those same phone calls, over and over again.

Blogging

One of my friends doesn't get the concept of blogging- of putting your thoughts out there for the whole world to see. I definitely understand her point of view (especially after certain specific events that scandalized her!); there are some feelings that are just too personal to put out to the world. It's hard to be comfortable with something like that- in fact, it's better not to be comfortable with something like that, in a way.
But sometimes, I like putting down my feelings. I rarely talk about the context, that's always something personal for me; more personal than my emotions in fact. Somehow, i'm used to letting out my emotions on the internet- maybe it's just a certain blogging culture, I'm not sure. Yes, I do talk about them to the people concerned, too, but a blog feels like such a good ... dumpster to deposit all your thoughts in. Irrespective of anything, it's going to take in everything you say (and mirror it on an internet page, but oh well.)
As Anne Frank said, paper has more patience than people.
And I'm really too used to blogging to bother right now =P

Lost

So i'm not exactly the most aware person around. I forget easily, be it deadlines or the content of my Air Pollution Control Engineering textbook. This, more often than not, leads to painstakingly stressful situations and a few days of trying to undo the mishap caused by my clear absentmindedness. End result: me wishing that I had a LITTLE more presence of mind and, well, that instinct to do everything perfectly and in time. As inherent as it is in me to mess up just a little, I think this is something I really need to work on.

A Penny for your Thoughts

We all have our secrets. There are some things that we don't mind sharing with the world, and there are other things that are buried deep within, sometimes hidden even from ourselves. However, I occasionally come across people who are very guarded about every bit of their lives. For me, this arouses so much curiosity; I automatically want to KNOW. Not everything, but something. Anything, really. It's a reflex; I always get attracted to these type of people. It's such a mystery to me, as to what goes on in their heads. With some people there's a lot going on in there, things that shock and surprise me. With others, there's absolutely nothing. What's on the surface is really what's inside.

Human

I always thought that it was your ability to experience emotions that make you human. Yes, emotions are a sign of weakness, but they're also a sign that you can FEEL, that you can let go and lose control at times. They can be exhilarating and fun at times, depressing and unwanted at others. Yet, they're always there; I believe that emotions make you feel alive.
However, someone recently pointed out to me that it isn't emotion that makes you human; it's your ability to think and reason and rationalize that makes you human. Emotions, they hinder with these processes, and consequently, make you less human.
Two opposing opinions, yet both make equal sense to me.

Ten Years Later

A recent conversation with a friend led to us wonder where each of our peers would be in ten years time. It was rather easy to predict this for some of our friends, while for others we remained genuinely curious. Job, marriage, kids- all integral parts of the life that society has chalked out for us. But how many of us are actually going to follow this conventional path? Quite a few of us, definitely. We could pin point one or two people who would take the path less traveled, but everyone else may more or less go by the norm.
Still, I guess you never know where life is going to take you; not until that moment actually gets here.

War Torn

Because that was the only word that could describe her world right now.

The town that once ebbed with color and life was now cloaked in a black-and-white stupor that even old movies could get past. The patter of children’s feet through the yellow cobbled paths was now replaced by an almost deafening silence, an irreplaceable stretch of emptiness, of void space.

It hadn’t always been like this. She remembered, very distinctly, of a time when things had been different- when colors were bright and the wind wasn’t cold, harsh and painful. And food. How she longed for the hot, steamy smell of cooked rice mixed with every delicious, spicy vegetable conceivable. That was miles apart from the cold rawness that entered her mouth and settled at the bottom of her stomach every day.

But cooking was not an option, for electricity was a thing of the past. If they were lucky, a few candles would be passed around town, providing momentary light, conquering the darkness for barely a few hours. At other times, the only thing they could see by was the light of each other’s eyes. And occasionally, the helicopter searchlights. For they would come, dutifully, once a week. No one knew why, but she did.

They wanted to make sure that the town wasn’t changing, that it was as dead as ever.

Inspiration

What drives people, what inspires them? Sometimes, I look at people around me who seem so driven, so focused, and I wonder where all that passion comes from. I feel that I seriously lack it. Even with things that I really, genuinely do like, I get so lazy at times. I think I'm yet to find something that will get me to work indefinitely, unconditionally. I'm still searching; I guess it's the search that counts...

Heat Wave

I can smell the heat. I feel everything around me unwillingly absorb it. My black Chennai T-shirt does the same, but more willingly so, I feel. It knows heat, though maybe a different kind of heat; heat laced with the salty smell of the sea and jasmine flowers and cut mango with spicy chilli powder. Heat laced with the smell of home.