God

I've always had very mixed up views on the whole concept of god. My parents aren't the kind who force ideas down their kids' throats at age three. They let me free, left me to explore my own ideas. It doesn't help that I was close to nine years when I was first exposed to Indian culture, or that my grandfather is an atheist. This, if anything, has made me more confused about the existence of god/gods, according to Hindu beliefs; and the whole concept of religion as such.

Sometimes I feel that it would have been better if my parents had expressed their own views of God. My dad, who grew up in a hard core atheist family, acts like he has no views on the subject. My mum, who grew up in a slightly religious one, celebrates most festivals in front of the prayer room. My grandfather does all but scorn the very concept of prayers, only to leave me dumbfounded, unsure of the truth, of what to really believe.

This morning, I was talking to a friend of mine. She talked about her mom, and how she had visited so-and-so temples before our board exams, and the hundred-and-something temples her grandparents have visited. Usually, I have something to say for most debatable topics. I have pretty strong, if not slightly crazy opinions. But, surprisingly, I was pretty speechless, unaware of my own beliefs. I know super-religious people. I have an atheist in my own family. And then there are people like my dad, probably just as confused as I am, who refuse to form an opinion.

When I expressed to my parents that I'd much rather be an atheist than blindly follow our customs with no proof and without knowing why, I was met with spontaneous screaming from my mom, "don't form such opinions without understanding the whole concept of religion." But, the thing is, no one had ever bothered to tell me about the 'whole concept of religion'. Perhaps no one really knows. It's true. There IS no proof for so many many things. You can choose to believe whatever.

Undoubtedly, undeniably, I respect my religion. Though it still confuses me, I would never go against it. Even though I don't agree with some things put forth by Hinduism. Plus, in a country like India, religion is everything. How I wish that we lived in a world in which we could form our own, unique ideas and follow them, without having to worry about religious barriers. But, such a world is only a thing of my dreams. I can only hope that I come to terms with my own ideas, and learn to accept the ideas of people around me. Till then, I shall remain as confused as ever.