A New Beginning

Well. Here I am, 1800 miles away from home, in a dorm room. Hall fifteen, to be precise. Yes, college. It's strangely exhilarating. Or, rather, it was so, initially. I remember walking through the campus not three weeks ago, and feeling so many things at once. I was just so overwhelmed by the whole thing. It is, after all, a dream come true.

College is just so many things. There's just so much. Not just to do, but to get used to. And moving to a new country for college is definitely not easy. Especially if you're a slow adjuster like I am. I mean, college just makes you understand how big this world really is. It's totally out of your comfort zone, and you're no longer in this place where everyone knows you, knows all about you. In high school, you just feel more defined. You're THIS kind of person, with THESE friends, who's good at THIS, and who has THESE qualities. And you know that, everyone else knows that, everyone is happy and life goes on. But college is a completely different ball game. Unless you're someone who is really outgoing, or someone who's fortunate enough to have brought along a whole truck load of friends from back home, you end up feeling pretty lost.

Honestly, I'm still feeling quite lost. And seeing bunches of people around me who seem to have smoothly transitioned to this whole new life, while I still seem to be wandering helplessly, doesn't really help the cause. Yes, everyone is different, and some people just take their time (like moi), but sometimes you wish that things could just fall into place, and FAST. Once things do fall into place, everything is definitely going to seem much easier, much more comfortable and relaxed. If they do ever fall into place, that is!

I don't mean to rant about college. Honestly, I couldn't have hoped for a better university. Everything here is brilliant, definitely, undoubtedly. Maybe I'm just being too cynical. After all, it is my fault, for being so reserved and lost and all. But leaving SO much behind, back home, and coming here and feeling like you have nothing, can be quite shocking. It really gets to you. And you just end up wondering what on earth made you leave behind all those people you love.

And then you realise that it's okay, really. You might not have your old friends, but you can always make new ones. Even if you're someone like me, who takes eons to build relationships, it's okay. It will happen, eventually. College isn't just about making friends instantly, it's also about learning who the right kinds of friends are, and even if it takes a while, it will be worth it in the end, definitely. College is also about teaching yourself how to be independent. And SO many more things, really.

I guess you end up learning a lot along the way, and even if the initial few weeks are tough, things will fall into place, eventually. (Hopefully?)

I refuse to accept that I own a dying blog.

So there.

Hush

The soft and swift and reassuring wind,
The noiseless rustling of the leaves,
Can you hear the gentle patter of the rain,
The crunching of grass on a September's eve?

The mountain, roaring with a fierce might,
The waterfall gushing with haste,
Can you hear the guppies swimming through?
So many million sounds interlaced.

The shiny corn, sprouting up,
Silky and beautiful and new,
Can you see the pumpkin patch, so bright?
The endless colours and sights, so wonderfully subdued.

The pebbled path, leading through
The forest, grim and gray,
Can you see the top, the canopy,
Where the trees seem to sway?

The slow, light sound of your own breathing,
Of your laughter, tears and misery,
Can you hear the beating of your own heart,
Of your soul - everlasting, yet so temporary?

Time Turner

Looking back
I wonder now
Could things have been different?
And I wonder how.

There's so much that
I would like to erase
Things that I did
Just in case.

Why was I
So scared to do
Things that I wanted,
Things that were true?

Why did I do
All those things
Things that I shouldn't have,
Things that I did.

But now it's too late,
We're leaving so soon
Never coming back
To this very room.

If I had a time turner
I would go back,
Undo the mistakes,
Put my wrongs in the sack.

If I had a time turner
I would change
Everything that happened
When things went out of range.

If I had a time turner.

But then I see
These memories are mine
I shouldn't want to erase them
In the future, anytime.

Maybe, if I had a time turner
I would go back
And replay the past,
Do everything I did first.

A memory is a memory,
There's no way to change,
We should be happy
Even when things go out of range.

The Memory

It was like time was suddenly standing still. The light breeze that had rippled through her hair just seconds ago vanished. Not a soul was in sight. The salty smell of the sea persisted, saturating the air. But her mind was elsewhere, in a different time, a different place, where she had been a different girl. The surroundings, however, were starkly similar.

She was lost. She let the memory consume every part of her, every molecule of her body. When she breathed, it was no longer just the salty smell of the ocean, but that intermingled with so many other wonderful aromas. When she listened, there was soft, melodious music. Dancing. Joy.

Suddenly, something flickered. The light went out and she could no longer see anything. She groped through the air, as if trying to catch something. The memory was leaving her, and fast - the happiness and laughter fading away. She gasped as she tried to hold on to it, but thread by thread, it disappeared, until she could see the last wisps of it fading into the deep ocean waters; until she realised that it was just that - a memory.

A Dream found,
Eagerly unwrapped
With a passionate vigour.
New hopes
Seep the horizon
Saturating the air around.
Intense
Determination
Drives away clouds of doubt;
Of discomfort;
Of old, impossible,
Lost hopes.

Somehow,
Somewhen,
Somewhere,
The Dream shattered,
Hopes, crushed.
All that is left:
Longing and despair.
Life becomes
An empty shadow,
Shallow and meaningless.

Trapped

The complications of a single clinging emotion; the fear of Death; the abstractness of a world that seems but cannot be. We spend a lifetime breaking things down, making life simple, only to create a complicated little mess of muddled feelings, of lingering thoughts. Of dissatisfaction; of the complete opposite of simple. For simplicity is what this world lacks. What we call 'mundane' is in fact a complicated cluster of abstractness called life. We seem to be in love with the complexities put forward to us. We claim to try to simplify life, but we simply fail. Miserably. So we exist, with no peace of mind, with thoughts and feelings and emotions that weigh us down to this worldly world. And then, we are trapped. Deprived of any trace of freedom that might have once existed within us.